15 March, 2013

The Waiting

When you live with a serious illness, it is not always easy to be gentle and patient with the loved ones.

"The reason is that I'm waiting"
It's easy to take out all the frustration and anger on those you are most fond of. Afterwards, it's not easy to go back and apologize, "I did not mean it like that. And I did not mean to get angry." And for children, it's not easy to understand that mamma gets mad and yells for little tings.

Then it is extremely important to explain why you did what you did. Tell them that you don't have it easy, and that it is not the child's fault. Explain that you are easily upset and annoyed because you feel sad and maybe a little bit afraid because of the disease.

This is how I feel now. I get angry, I yell and I have no patience. I am not myself. The reason is that I'm waiting, waiting for the results of the last CT scan, waiting for answers that have everything to do with the rest of my life. If the medicine have worked and if I get more time to live.

It is inhuman to wait like this, it shouldn't be allowed. And it's not fair. Who could be her usual self in such circumstances? Could you? Now I just hope this week goes fast.

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